Practice lab · 7 min
Empathy Lab — what might be happening here?
Practise holding several explanations for someone’s behaviour before settling on one. Practise on realistic situations, one step at a time.
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Practise holding several explanations for someone’s behaviour before settling on one.
Situations to practise on
- A friend hasn’t replied in three days
- You sent a friend a long message about something that mattered to you. It shows as read. You can see they have been posting online.
- A colleague was curt in a meeting
- You made a suggestion in a meeting and a colleague answered, “We already tried that,” and moved on quickly.
- A friend cancelled plans twice
- A friend has cancelled on you twice in a row, both times on the day, with a short apology.
- A parent is unusually quiet
- A parent who usually asks about your week has been quiet at the last two meals and went to bed early.
The steps
- Your first read of what is going on Write the explanation that arrived on its own. It might be right.
- Three other possible explanations Include at least one that has nothing to do with you.
- What do you actually know? What are you assuming?
- What might they be experiencing right now?
- A response that checks rather than assumes
Afterwards, ask yourself
How did your feeling about the situation change after writing the other explanations?
Lessons behind this lab
- Reading social context — “What might be happening here?” — several explanations before one conclusion. (7 min · Practising)
- Seeing it from their side — Perspective taking, and making sense of other people’s reactions. (7 min · Practising)
- Empathy: what it is and isn’t — Understanding a feeling is different from agreeing with it or fixing it. (7 min · Beginner)
- Misunderstandings, and clearing them up — Most conflict starts as a misunderstanding. Check before you conclude. (6 min · Beginner)