Great books & ideas · Martin Buber · 1923

I and Thou — the key ideas

The difference between using a person and truly meeting them. The key ideas of I and Thou by Martin Buber, the strongest criticism, and how to practise them.

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The difference between using a person and truly meeting them.

The key ideas

I–It and I–Thou

We can relate to someone as an “it” — a role, a means to an end — or as a “thou”, a whole person we meet with full attention. Both are part of life, but only the second is real encounter.

Meeting happens in the present

Real meeting happens in the present moment, when we stop categorising the other person and attend to them as they are.

The criticism

• The book is poetic and hard to read; it offers a way of seeing rather than practical steps.
• Everyday life needs “I–It” relating too — we cannot meet every shopkeeper with full depth, and that is not a failing.

A real-world example

The situation

Shila realises she only talks to her elderly neighbour to ask about parcels.

The idea applied

One day she asks about his life before he retired. He talks for twenty minutes. She sees a whole person where she had seen a helpful neighbour.

Practise it

In one conversation this week, give someone your complete attention for five minutes, as if nothing else were waiting.

Described in our own words with the source named — not a summary of the full book and not a substitute for reading it.