Module 2 · Communication · Lesson 1 of 10

How communication actually works

What you meant, what you said and what they heard are three different things.

6 min read · Level: Beginner · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Every message passes through three versions: what you meant, what you actually said, and what the other person heard. Each step can change it. Your tiredness, their mood, a word that means something different to them, a message read on a small screen — all of these shift meaning without anyone noticing.

Miscommunication is therefore normal, not a sign that someone is stupid or careless. Good communicators assume some meaning gets lost and build in ways to check: a quick summary, a question, a “does that make sense?”.

Why it matters

Most arguments between people who like each other start as a gap between what was meant and what was heard. Knowing the gap exists makes you slower to blame and quicker to check.

See it happen

Selim tells his team, “Let’s wrap this up soon.” He means within the month. Two teammates stay late that night to finish it.

The first reaction

The next morning he is puzzled why they look exhausted and a little resentful.

With the idea

He realises “soon” meant different things to each person, and starts giving dates instead of vague words.

What changed

He stopped assuming his words carried his meaning and started checking.

Easy to get wrong

• Assuming that because you said it, they understood it.
• Blaming the listener every time — sometimes the message itself was unclear.

Try it now: Find the gap

1. Recall a recent misunderstanding with someone.
2. Write what you meant, what you said, and what you think they heard.
3. Mark where the meaning shifted, and one way you could have checked.

Questions to think about

• Which words do you use that might mean something different to other people?
• How do you usually check that someone understood you?

Your challenge this week

After one important explanation this week, ask the other person to say back what they took from it.