Great books & ideas · Aristotle · c. 340 BCE

Nicomachean Ethics — on friendship — the key ideas

Three kinds of friendship — of usefulness, of pleasure, and of character — and why the last one lasts.

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Three kinds of friendship — of usefulness, of pleasure, and of character — and why the last one lasts.

The key ideas

Three kinds of friendship

Some friendships rest on usefulness, some on shared pleasure, and some on liking who the other person is. The first two fade when the use or fun ends; the third can last a lifetime.

Friendship takes time and shared life

Aristotle thought deep friendship cannot be rushed: people need to spend time together and see each other’s character over many situations.

A good friend wants good things for you

In the best friendships each person wishes the other well for the other’s own sake, not for what they get.

The criticism

• His account was written for free men of an ancient city and ignores most people’s lives; applying it today means translating it.
• Friendships of use and pleasure are dismissed too quickly — they can be warm, valuable and sometimes grow into more.

A real-world example

The situation

Most of Sadia’s friendships are with colleagues, and they vanish when anyone changes job.

The idea applied

She notices which colleague she would miss for who they are, not for work, and invites that person to something outside work. The friendship survives the next job change.

Practise it

List five friends and, for each, note whether the friendship rests mostly on use, fun or character — without judging any kind.

Described in our own words with the source named — not a summary of the full book and not a substitute for reading it.