Module 5 · Building relationships · Lesson 6 of 10

Deepening a relationship

Maintaining a friendship, and taking it one step deeper when both of you want to.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Maintaining a friendship is mostly keeping contact regular and warm. Deepening it usually takes something more: sharing a bit more of yourself, being there in a hard moment, doing something new together, or having an honest conversation.

Deepening should be mutual. Offer a little more openness and notice whether it is returned. Not every relationship needs to go deeper — and that is fine — but the ones you want to deepen rarely do so by accident.

Why it matters

Many relationships stay pleasant but shallow for years simply because no one takes the next step.

See it happen

Rupom and a work friend have lunch weekly but only ever talk about work.

The first reaction

Rupom assumes that is just the kind of friendship it is.

With the idea

He mentions a worry about his father’s health. His friend shares a similar experience. Their lunches start to cover real life.

What changed

A little more openness, returned, deepened a friendship both of them wanted.

Easy to get wrong

• Oversharing too quickly, before trust exists.
• Assuming a relationship will deepen on its own if you just keep meeting.

Try it now: One step deeper

1. Pick one relationship you would like to deepen.
2. Write one thing you have never shared or asked with this person.
3. Write one new thing you could do together.

Questions to think about

• Which relationship would you like to be closer?
• What usually stops you from going deeper with people?

Your challenge this week

Take one small step deeper with someone you want to be closer to.