Module 3 · Conversation mastery · Lesson 5 of 10

Finding common ground

Most people share more with you than the first minute suggests.

6 min read · Level: Beginner · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Most people share more with you than the first minute reveals: a city, a worry, a favourite food, a younger sibling, a hard year. Common ground is found by asking and noticing, not assumed from appearances.

You don’t need to share big things. Small overlaps — “you’re a morning person too?” — create a sense of being alike, and people tend to warm to those they feel similar to.

Why it matters

Common ground turns a stranger into someone you have something with. It is often the first step to trust.

See it happen

Lubna is paired on a project with an older colleague she assumes she has nothing in common with.

The first reaction

She keeps things strictly about work to avoid awkwardness.

With the idea

She asks what he does on weekends. They both garden on a balcony, and swap tips for weeks.

What changed

A question found common ground her assumptions had hidden.

Easy to get wrong

• Deciding from someone’s age, style or job that you have nothing in common.
• Faking shared interests — it tends to show.

Try it now: Three overlaps

1. Think of someone you know only a little.
2. List three things you might have in common that you have never asked about.
3. Pick one question to ask them.

Questions to think about

• Who have you assumed you have nothing in common with?
• What small thing do you love finding out you share with someone?

Your challenge this week

Find one piece of common ground with someone you don’t know well.