Module 3 · Conversation mastery · Lesson 8 of 10

Talking with someone older or younger

Respect the difference in experience without talking down or up.

6 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Talking with someone much older or younger is easier when you respect the difference in experience without making it the whole conversation. Older people often have stories and perspective worth hearing; younger people often see things fresh.

Avoid talking down or up. Ask for their view rather than assuming it from their age, and be curious about what their world is like. Most people enjoy being asked about their own experience.

Why it matters

Relationships across generations are among the richest you can have — mentors, grandparents, young colleagues — and many people never build them because the first conversation feels awkward.

See it happen

Imtiaz visits his grandfather and runs out of things to say after asking about his health.

The first reaction

He fills the silence with his phone, assuming they have little in common.

With the idea

He asks what his grandfather did at his own age. An hour of stories follows, including ones his parents had never heard.

What changed

Asking about his grandfather’s experience turned a duty visit into a real conversation.

Easy to get wrong

• Explaining things to older people that they already know, or lecturing younger people.
• Assuming someone’s views from their age.

Try it now: Across the gap

1. Think of someone at least twenty years older or younger than you.
2. Write two questions about their experience that you have never asked.
3. Write one thing you might learn from them.

Questions to think about

• Who is the oldest person you talk to regularly, and the youngest?
• What assumptions do you make about people much older or younger than you?

Your challenge this week

Have a real conversation with someone from a different generation.