Knowing yourself · Lesson 5 of 5

Noticing the story you tell yourself

We all carry stories about who we are: "I am bad with money", "I am not creative". Some are true; some are just old.

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The mind likes to summarise. After a few experiences, it turns them into a story about who you are: "I am shy", "I always mess things up", "I am not a numbers person". These stories feel like facts, and because they feel like facts, we rarely question them.

The trouble is that stories shape behaviour. If you believe you are bad at maths, you avoid it, so you never practise, so you stay bad at it, which confirms the story. Many limiting stories are kept alive this way, long after the original evidence has expired.

Try catching one of your stories and asking: when did this start? What is the evidence for and against it now? What would I try if it were not true? Sometimes the story holds up. Often, it turns out to describe who you were, not who you have to be.

See it happen

Musa has always said he is "not a reader" because he struggled with books at school. He avoids reading anything longer than a short article.

The first reaction

He has known this about himself for years, and forcing himself to read seems pointless when it has never worked for him.

With the idea

He asks where the story came from: school books he had no interest in, read under pressure. He tries an audiobook about football history, then a short book on the same topic, and enjoys both.

What changed

He questioned an old story about himself instead of treating it as a fact.

Easy to take the wrong way

This does not mean every belief about yourself is false, or that you should push through anything. Some stories are accurate and useful. The point is to check them, not to reject them all.