Module 15 · Life transitions · Lesson 2 of 6

The in-between

The uncertain middle of a transition, when the old identity has gone and the new one hasn’t arrived.

8 min read · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Between the end of one chapter and the start of the next, there is often an uncertain middle. The old routines, roles and identity have gone, but the new ones have not yet formed. This in-between can feel disorienting: you may lose your sense of direction, feel unsure who you are, or feel stuck.

Anthropologists describe this as a threshold — a stage between an old role and a new one that appears in rites of passage across many cultures. It is normal, and it tends to be temporary. It can also be surprisingly creative: with the old structures gone, there is room to think about what you actually want.

Useful things to do in the in-between: keep a few steady routines, do not rush to fill the space with the first available option, try small things to see what fits, and be patient with a changing sense of who you are.

Why it matters

Many people panic in the in-between and grab the first thing that ends the uncertainty — a job, a relationship, a move — then regret it. Understanding the in-between as a normal stage makes it easier to use well.

See it happen

After finishing her PhD, Jing has no job lined up and no clear direction. Her days feel formless and she feels she has lost her identity as a researcher.

The first read

She feels she must find a job immediately to end the uncertainty, and applies to anything available.

With this idea

She sees this as an in-between stage. She keeps a morning routine, takes a short contract to cover costs, and spends two months trying out different possibilities — conversations with people in industry, a short course. By month three, a direction is forming.

What changed

She treated the uncertain middle as a stage to use, not an emergency to end at any cost.

Easy to get wrong

• Grabbing the first option that ends the uncertainty, just to escape it.
• Believing the in-between will last forever. It usually does not.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the final word.

The threshold is valuable

Anthropologists and writers on transition see the in-between as a meaningful stage, where old identities loosen and new ones can form.

It can simply be hard

Others caution against romanticising it: for people facing money worries, illness or loss, the in-between can be mainly stressful, and practical support matters more than finding meaning in it.

What this rests on

A question to think about. People have argued about this for centuries. There is no single answer — only better questions.

• Arnold van Gennep — The Rites of Passage (1909) — An anthropologist’s observation that rites across cultures share three stages: separation, a threshold in-between, and incorporation into a new role.
• William Bridges — Transitions (1980) — A model of personal transitions in three phases: an ending, an uncertain “neutral zone”, and a new beginning.

Try it: Using the in-between

1. If you are between chapters, write what has ended and what has not yet begun.
2. Write two steady routines you will keep.
3. Write one small thing you could try to learn what might come next.

Reflect

• When have you been in an in-between before — and how did it end?
• What might be possible in the space between chapters that would not be possible otherwise?

Use it in the coming days

If you are in an in-between now, keep your two routines this week and try one small experiment. Write in your journal what you notice.

Where to do it: My Journal

Writing during the in-between helps a new sense of direction form from what you notice.