Module 15 · Life transitions · Lesson 1 of 6

Leaving one chapter, starting the next

Every beginning starts with an ending — including the end of an old goal.

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The idea

Every transition starts with an ending, even a happy one. Graduating ends student life; a new job ends the old one; moving ends a neighbourhood; becoming a parent ends a certain kind of freedom. Endings can include goals too — a goal that belonged to the old chapter may need to close for the new one to begin.

Because we focus on the new thing, endings are easy to skip. But unacknowledged endings tend to linger: people carry the old identity, routines and expectations into the new chapter, and wonder why it does not feel right. Marking an ending — saying goodbye, noticing what you are leaving, naming what you will carry — makes room for the beginning.

Starting a new chapter works best when it is chosen as well as arrived at. Ask: what do I want this chapter to be about? What do I bring into it? What do I want to leave behind?

Why it matters

Transitions handled with some attention to the ending tend to feel less disorienting. Transitions where the ending is ignored can feel like being in two places at once for a long time.

See it happen

After ten years in the army, Marco starts a civilian job. Months in, he feels restless and oddly sad, although the new job is going well.

The first read

The new job is good, so he tells himself he should feel happy and moves on as if nothing is wrong.

With this idea

He realises he never marked the end of his army life. He writes what those years gave him and what he misses, meets up with old comrades, and writes what he wants this new chapter to be about. The restlessness eases.

What changed

He acknowledged the ending before fully stepping into the beginning.

Easy to get wrong

• Skipping the ending because the beginning is exciting. Endings still need attention.
• Treating an ending as purely a loss. Most endings also free something up.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the final word.

Transitions have a shape

Bridges described transitions as an ending, an uncertain middle and a new beginning, and many people find naming the stage they are in steadying.

Not every change follows the model

Others note that real transitions overlap and loop back, and that people differ widely in how much an ending affects them; the model is a map, not a timetable.

What this rests on

Practical wisdom. A widely used way of working. Useful to try — not a scientific law.

• William Bridges — Transitions (1980) — A model of personal transitions in three phases: an ending, an uncertain “neutral zone”, and a new beginning.

Try it: Leaving and carrying

1. Name a chapter that is ending, or has recently ended, in your life.
2. Write what you are leaving behind.
3. Write what you want to carry forward, and what you want the next chapter to be about.

Reflect

• What are you ready to leave behind, and what do you want to carry forward?
• Which past ending did you skip — and is anything of it still with you?

Use it in the coming days

Mark one ending on your Timeline this week, with a line on what it gave you and what you are carrying forward.

Where to do it: My Timeline

Your Timeline is where chapters of your life begin and end.