Module 6 · Solving problems · Lesson 5 of 5

When an attempt fails — and when to ask for help

A failed attempt is data. So is the moment you realise you need someone else.

7 min read · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Most solutions do not work the first time. A failed attempt is not wasted if you look at it: what did it show about the problem, the assumptions, or the approach? The useful question is “what did this rule out, and what did it reveal?”

There is also a point where continuing alone stops making sense. Signs include: you have tried several reasonable things and nothing has changed; the problem needs knowledge or skills you do not have; it is affecting your health, safety or relationships; or you are going round in circles. Asking for help at that point is not weakness. It is a problem-solving move.

Help can take many forms: a friend who has faced something similar, a teacher, a mentor, a professional, a community, a support service. Being specific about what you have already tried makes it much easier for others to help.

Why it matters

People who learn from failed attempts improve steadily; people who ignore them repeat them. And people who ask for help in time solve problems that would otherwise have grown much larger.

See it happen

Tariq has tried to fix a leak under his kitchen sink three times. Each fix holds for a few days, then drips again.

The first read

He has nearly got it, so he plans to try once more with a stronger sealant rather than paying for a plumber.

With this idea

He looks at what the attempts showed: every fix fails at the same joint, so the pipe itself may be damaged. That needs a part and skills he does not have. He calls a plumber, who replaces the pipe in twenty minutes.

What changed

He read what his failed attempts revealed and recognised the point to ask for help.

Easy to get wrong

• Treating a failed attempt as proof the problem cannot be solved. It usually only proves one approach does not work.
• Waiting until a problem is a crisis before asking for help. Earlier is usually easier for everyone.

What this rests on

Practical wisdom. A widely used way of working. Useful to try — not a scientific law.

Try it: What did it rule out?

1. Think of something you tried that did not work.
2. Write what it ruled out and what it revealed about the problem.
3. Ask: is this a problem to keep working on alone, or one to ask for help with? Write who you could ask.

Reflect

• What problem have you tried to solve alone for longer than makes sense?
• What makes asking for help hard for you?

Use it in the coming days

If a problem has resisted three attempts, ask one person for help with it this week — and tell them what you have already tried.

Where to do it: My Journal

Writing what you tried and learned makes it easier to explain when you ask for help.