Module 4 · Thinking skills · Moderate evidence

Perspective taking

Seeing a situation from where someone else stands — including your future self.

6 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Perspective taking is seeing a situation from where someone else stands. It helps in conflict (“what might this look like from her side?”), in decisions (“what would someone I respect do?”) and in your own distress.

You can also take the perspective of your own future self. Asking “how will I feel about this in a week, a year, ten years?” often shrinks today’s drama to its real size. Researchers call this kind of stepping back “self-distancing”, and studies suggest it helps people think more wisely about emotional situations.

Taking a perspective doesn’t mean agreeing with it. You can understand why someone acted the way they did and still disagree, or still set a boundary. Understanding just gives you better information to act on.

Why it works

Stuck in only your own point of view, it is easy to misread people and to lose proportion. A step to the side often reveals both.

A real example

The situation

Olumide is furious that his flatmate keeps leaving dishes in the sink. He is about to send an angry message.

What happened

He pauses to consider his flatmate’s side: she has been working night shifts all month. He still wants the dishes done, but instead of an angry message he suggests a rota that fits her schedule. She agrees immediately.

The takeaway

Understanding her situation didn’t mean accepting the mess. It meant solving it without a fight.

Use this when you are…

• you are in a disagreement
• a situation feels enormous right now
• you are struggling to make a decision

Common mistakes

• Assuming you know someone else’s perspective without asking.
• Confusing understanding with agreeing or giving in.
• Only taking other perspectives when you are the one who needs to change.

What the evidence says

Moderate evidence: Several studies support it, but the effects are smaller, the studies are fewer or less rigorous, or results vary between groups.

Research on self-distancing and perspective taking suggests they help people reason more calmly about emotional situations and conflicts. Many studies are short-term lab studies, so everyday effects are less certain.

Where this comes from: Emotion regulation research; Communication and relationships research.

Fields that study this: Clinical psychology, Sociology.

Try it now: Three chairs

1. Describe a current situation from your own point of view.
2. Describe it again from the other person’s point of view, as fairly as you can.
3. Describe it a third time from a calm observer who cares about you both.

Practise with a guided technique

• Talk to yourself by name — (2–3 min · Emerging evidence)
• Listen fully — (10 min · Practical evidence)

Questions to think about

• Whose perspective do you find hardest to imagine, and why?
• How will this week’s biggest worry look to you in a year?

Try this today

In one disagreement or frustration today, ask yourself how it looks from the other side.

Afterwards, ask yourself

What did seeing it from another point of view show you?

Words in this lesson

• Empathy — Noticing and understanding what another person is feeling, and checking rather than assuming.