Guided technique · Working with feelings · 2–3 min

Talk to yourself by name

Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

Talking to yourself using your own name or “you”, as if advising a friend: “Amir, you’ve prepared for this.”

Why it may help

Using your name creates a little distance, the kind you naturally have when advising someone else. That distance often makes stressful situations feel more manageable.

When to use it

• you feel nervous before an event
• you are caught in overthinking
• you need to calm down enough to think clearly

Helps with

• Nerves before an event
• Overthinking

How to do it

1. Notice what you are telling yourself right now, in the first person (“I can’t do this”).
2. Say it again using your name: “[Your name], what’s going on?”
3. Give yourself the advice you would give a friend in the same situation — honest and kind.

What the evidence says

Emerging evidence: Early or mixed research looks promising, but it is too soon to be confident. Treat it as worth trying, not proven.

What was found

Studies by Ethan Kross and colleagues found distanced self-talk helped people handle stressful tasks like public speaking with less distress.

What is uncertain

Most studies are short lab experiments, so everyday long-term effects are still being studied.

Who it may not suit

If it feels silly, try writing it instead of saying it — the distance works either way.

Where this comes from: Emotion regulation research.

Afterwards, ask yourself

What did your “friend’s advice” to yourself say?