Module 10 · Social presence · Lesson 3 of 11

Assertiveness

Saying what you think and need, clearly and respectfully — between passive and aggressive.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Assertiveness sits between passive and aggressive. Passive: you don’t say what you think or need. Aggressive: you say it in a way that disrespects the other person. Assertive: you say it clearly and respectfully — “I disagree, and here’s why” or “I need this by Friday.”

Assertive statements often start with “I”, are specific, and leave room for the other person’s view. They can be calm and warm. Being assertive is respecting yourself and the other person at the same time.

Why it matters

Assertive people get their needs met more often and are trusted more, because others know where they stand.

See it happen

A colleague keeps taking the last word in meetings and talking over Mithila.

The first reaction

She stays silent and complains afterwards, or snaps once she is too frustrated to stay calm.

With the idea

She says calmly, “I’d like to finish my point — then I want to hear yours.” The interruptions become rarer.

What changed

A calm, clear sentence stood up for her without attacking anyone.

Easy to get wrong

• Swinging from silence straight to anger.
• Apologising for having a view: “Sorry, this is probably stupid, but…”

Try it now: Three versions

1. Think of something you need to say to someone.
2. Write a passive, an aggressive and an assertive version.
3. Read the assertive one aloud until it feels natural.

Questions to think about

• Where do you tend to be passive? Where aggressive?
• What makes it hard to say what you need?

Your challenge this week

Say one thing you need or think clearly and respectfully this week.