Module 8 · Influence & persuasion · Lesson 9 of 11

Interests, not positions

What people ask for is rarely all of what they need — look for outcomes useful to both.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

A position is what someone says they want: “I want the car on Saturday.” An interest is why: “I need to get to my class.” Two positions can clash while the interests underneath fit together.

Look for mutually useful outcomes by asking “why does that matter to you?” and sharing your own interests. Often there are options neither person saw while arguing about positions.

Why it matters

Most everyday negotiations — at home, at work, among friends — go better when both sides look for interests instead of fighting over positions.

See it happen

Two flatmates argue over the thermostat: one wants it warm, the other cool.

The first reaction

They take turns winning, and both stay annoyed.

With the idea

They ask why. One is cold only in the evening while studying; the other can’t sleep when it’s warm. Warm until ten, cool after — both are happy.

What changed

Talking about interests revealed a solution their positions had hidden.

Easy to get wrong

• Arguing about what you want without saying why.
• Assuming the other side’s interests are the opposite of yours.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the answer.

Principled negotiation works

Focusing on interests is widely taught and often finds agreements both sides prefer to a compromise.

Power still matters

When one side is much stronger or acting in bad faith, interest-based negotiation may not be enough; knowing your alternatives matters too.

Where this comes from: Roger Fisher & William Ury — Getting to Yes (1981).

Try it now: Why underneath

1. Think of a current disagreement.
2. Write each person’s position.
3. Write two possible interests underneath each.

Questions to think about

• What do you usually ask for, when what you really need is something else?
• In your current disagreement, what might the other person really need?

Your challenge this week

In one disagreement this week, ask “why does that matter to you?” before arguing.