Module 7 · Conflict, boundaries & difficult situations · Lesson 5 of 11

Setting boundaries — and respecting theirs

A boundary is about what you will do, not about controlling someone else.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

A boundary is a limit you set on what you will do or accept: “I don’t discuss my salary with family,” “I stop answering work messages after 9pm,” “If you shout, I’ll leave and we can talk later.” It is about your actions, not about controlling someone else.

Respecting other people’s boundaries is the other half. When someone says no, needs space, or doesn’t want to discuss something, the respectful response is to accept it without pushing, sulking or punishing.

Why it matters

Clear boundaries make relationships safer and more honest. They prevent the slow build-up of resentment.

See it happen

Jui’s aunt comments on her weight at every family visit. Jui laughs it off and then feels awful.

The first reaction

She tells herself it’s just how her aunt is and she should let it go.

With the idea

She says calmly, “I’d rather not talk about my body. How’s your garden?” When it happens again, she repeats it. The comments become rare.

What changed

A calm, repeated boundary changed a pattern that silence had kept alive.

Easy to get wrong

• Setting a boundary as a threat or punishment.
• Treating someone else’s boundary as a rejection of you.

Try it now: One boundary

1. Write one situation where you need a boundary.
2. Write what you will do, starting with “I will…” or “I won’t…”.
3. Write the calm sentence you would say, and what you would do if it is ignored.

Questions to think about

• Which boundary would make the biggest difference to your wellbeing?
• Whose boundaries do you sometimes push against?

Your challenge this week

State one boundary calmly this week — and respect one someone else sets.