Module 6 · Adaptability & different people · Lesson 5 of 8

Culture, background and social expectations

Norms about directness, time and respect vary. Ask, notice, and adjust.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Culture and background shape many unspoken expectations: how directly to disagree, how formal to be with elders, whether being on time means exactly on time, how much to share personally, what counts as polite. Some settings rely on shared context and indirect meaning; others spell everything out.

These patterns vary enormously within any culture, and every person mixes several influences. So treat what you know as a reason to be curious, not a prediction. Ask, notice, apologise when you get it wrong, and adjust.

Why it matters

Misunderstandings across backgrounds are often misread as rudeness. Curiosity turns them into learning instead of conflict.

See it happen

A colleague from another country never says “no” directly to Arafat’s requests, then doesn’t do them.

The first reaction

Arafat thinks the colleague is unreliable.

With the idea

He asks gently how the colleague prefers to handle requests he can’t take on. The colleague explains that refusing directly feels rude where he grew up. They agree he can say “that might be difficult” and Arafat will read it as a no.

What changed

Asking about expectations replaced a judgement about character.

Easy to get wrong

• Explaining someone’s behaviour entirely by their culture.
• Assuming your own norms are simply “polite” and theirs are strange.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the answer.

Cultural frameworks help

Ideas such as high- and low-context communication give people language for real differences and can reduce misunderstanding at work and across borders.

Frameworks can stereotype

Critics warn that national averages say little about individuals, and applying them to a person can be as misleading as ignoring culture altogether.

Where this comes from: Edward T. Hall — high- and low-context communication.

Try it now: Your unspoken rules

1. Write three “unspoken rules” from your own background — about time, elders or disagreement.
2. Imagine someone who grew up with the opposite rule. How might your behaviour look to them?
3. Write one question you could ask someone to learn their expectations.

Questions to think about

• When has a difference in background caused a misunderstanding for you?
• Which of your own habits might seem strange to someone from elsewhere?

Your challenge this week

Ask someone about an experience from their background that you don’t understand.