World 2 · Your relationship with money · Lesson 6 of 10

Guilt about spending — and about earning

Why spending on yourself can feel wrong, and why some people feel uneasy earning more than others around them.

6 min read · Level: Practical · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Many people feel guilty spending money on themselves, even when they can afford it and it would genuinely help — a course, a rest, a better chair for a sore back. The guilt often comes from growing up with scarcity, from caring for others, or from a belief that wanting things is selfish. It can lead to postponing what matters until it becomes urgent and more expensive.

The opposite also happens: guilt about earning. People who earn more than their parents, friends or siblings sometimes feel uneasy, as if their success were a betrayal or had to be hidden. That unease can lead to overspending on others, avoiding raises, or quietly undermining their own progress.

Guilt is useful when it points at a real conflict with your values. It is less useful when it is a leftover rule you never chose. Asking “whose rule is this?” often loosens its grip.

Why it matters

Unexamined guilt makes money decisions for you. It can keep you from investing in your health and growth, or push you to give beyond what is sustainable. Understanding it helps you spend and earn in line with what you actually believe.

A real example

The situation

Grace, the first in her family to go to university, feels uncomfortable every time her salary rises and sends most of each raise home without being asked.

What happened

She talks with her family and realises they are proud of her and did not expect as much as she was giving. She agrees a regular amount she is happy to send and uses the rest to build savings of her own.

The takeaway

The guilt was based on an assumption she had never checked.

How people actually behave

People tend to follow money rules absorbed in childhood long after their circumstances change. A rule like “never spend on yourself” can make sense in hard times and stay in place for decades after it has stopped protecting anyone.

Common mistakes

• Postponing care for your own health or growth until it becomes an emergency.
• Giving so much to others that you have no safety of your own.
• Hiding or apologising for earning, instead of deciding calmly what your income is for.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the answer.

Guilt keeps spending honest

Some see a little guilt as a healthy brake that stops spending from drifting away from what we value and reminds us of others’ needs.

Guilt is often an outdated rule

Others argue that most money guilt is inherited from past circumstances and does more harm than good, and that deliberate choices serve people better than guilty ones.

Questions to think about

• What do you feel guilty spending money on, and whose voice does that guilt sound like?
• Is there something you have postponed for yourself that is now costing you more?

Try it: A permission budget

1. Choose a small monthly amount that is yours to spend on yourself without justification.
2. Write it into your budget as its own line.
3. At the end of the month, notice how it felt to spend it — or not.