Guided technique · Working with feelings · 3 min

Self-compassion break

Level: Beginner · Free — no account needed to read

A three-part pause for hard moments: noticing that this is difficult, remembering that struggling is part of being human, and offering yourself some kindness.

Why it may help

Harsh self-criticism tends to make people hide and give up; kindness toward yourself makes it easier to look at a mistake honestly and try again.

When to use it

• after a mistake, setback or rejection
• when your inner voice turns harsh
• when you feel ashamed and want to hide

Helps with

• Self-criticism
• Setbacks
• Shame

How to do it

1. Bring to mind what is bothering you, and notice where you feel it in your body.
2. Say to yourself: “This is a hard moment.”
3. Say: “Struggling is part of being human. I’m not the only one.”
4. Place a hand on your chest if it helps, and ask: “What do I need right now?” Offer yourself one kind thing.

What the evidence says

Moderate evidence: Several studies support it, but the effects are smaller, the studies are fewer or less rigorous, or results vary between groups.

What was found

Research by Kristin Neff and others links self-compassion with lower anxiety and depression and better motivation after failure, and structured programmes show benefits.

What is uncertain

Much of the research is correlational, and effects of brief exercises vary between studies.

Who it may not suit

Some people find self-kindness uncomfortable at first. Start with what you would say to a friend, and keep it short.

Where this comes from: Self-compassion research.

Afterwards, ask yourself

How did being kinder to yourself change what you wanted to do next?