Module 5 · Stress & emotional regulation · Moderate evidence

Five ways to shift a feeling

You can change the situation, where your attention goes, how you read it, or how you respond.

8 min read · Level: Intermediate · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Psychologist James Gross describes several points at which people can shape their emotions. You can choose the situation (avoid a trigger, or seek out something that helps), change the situation (ask for what you need, fix the problem), move your attention (focus on something else, or on a different part of what is happening), change how you interpret it (reframe it), or change how you respond (breathe, move, talk to someone).

The earlier strategies act before a feeling builds; the later ones act once it is already strong. Having options at several points means you are never limited to “just calm down”.

Some strategies tend to work better over time than others. Reappraisal — reinterpreting a situation — is generally linked with better wellbeing than suppression — pushing a feeling down and hiding it — which tends to keep the feeling going and can strain relationships.

Why it works

Knowing several ways to shift a feeling means you can pick the one that fits the moment instead of relying on one tool that doesn’t always work.

A real example

The situation

Every visit to his in-laws leaves Aziz tense after his father-in-law criticises his job.

What happened

He works at several points: he plans visits for shorter afternoons (changing the situation), sits next to his nephew who makes him laugh (moving attention), reminds himself that the criticism reflects his father-in-law’s worries more than his own worth (reframing) and takes a walk afterwards (changing the response). The visits become much easier.

The takeaway

No single trick did it — having options at every stage did.

Use this when you are…

• one strategy (like “just calm down”) isn’t enough
• you face a situation you know will be hard
• you want to understand how you currently handle feelings

Common mistakes

• Relying on suppression — pretending you don’t feel it.
• Only trying to cope once a feeling is already overwhelming.
• Using avoidance for everything, which can shrink your life.

What the evidence says

Moderate evidence: Several studies support it, but the effects are smaller, the studies are fewer or less rigorous, or results vary between groups.

The process model of emotion regulation is one of the most researched frameworks in the field, and reappraisal is generally linked with better outcomes than suppression. Which strategy works best depends a lot on the situation.

Where this comes from: Emotion regulation research; Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) research.

Fields that study this: Clinical psychology, Neuroscience.

Try it now: Five points of choice

1. Pick a situation that often brings a hard feeling.
2. Write one option for each point: choose, change, attention, reframe, response.
3. Circle the one you will try next time.

Practise with a guided technique

• Name the feeling — (2 min · Emerging evidence)
• Slow breathing — (2–5 min · Moderate evidence)
• Thought record — (10 min · Strong evidence)

Questions to think about

• Which of the five points do you use most, and which do you forget?
• Where do you tend to suppress feelings, and what does it cost you?

Try this today

For one feeling today, try a strategy from a point you don’t usually use.

Afterwards, ask yourself

Which new strategy worked, and in what kind of situation?

Words in this lesson

• Emotional regulation — The ways people influence which emotions they have, when, and how they experience and express them.
• Reappraisal — Changing how you interpret a situation so it affects you differently — a well-studied way of managing emotions.