Module 7 · Relationships & social wellbeing · Moderate evidence

Keeping friendships alive

Friendships fade from neglect more than from conflict. Small, regular contact keeps them.

6 min read · Level: Beginner · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Friendships rarely end with a fight. More often they fade from neglect: busy lives, moves, new jobs, children. Adult friendships in particular need deliberate care, because the built-in contact of school or university is gone.

Research by Jeffrey Hall suggests friendship takes time — many hours together to move from acquaintance to close friend. Regular, low-effort contact matters: a quick message, a shared joke, a standing plan like a weekly walk or monthly dinner.

Good friendships involve showing up in both directions: celebrating good news, being there in hard times, remembering what matters to each other, and being honest when something is wrong.

Why it works

Close friendships are among the strongest protectors of wellbeing. Keeping them alive takes small, regular effort — and it is worth it.

A real example

The situation

Since moving for work, Leila has lost touch with her closest university friends. Each month she means to call and doesn’t.

What happened

She sets up a monthly video call with the three of them on the first Sunday of each month. Some months only two can make it, but the friendship stays alive, and they plan a trip together.

The takeaway

A standing plan did what good intentions couldn’t.

Use this when you are…

• friendships have drifted
• you’ve moved or life has changed
• you want to deepen a newer friendship

Common mistakes

• Waiting for the other person to reach out.
• Only getting in touch for big occasions.
• Assuming friendship should be effortless once it exists.

What the evidence says

Moderate evidence: Several studies support it, but the effects are smaller, the studies are fewer or less rigorous, or results vary between groups.

Research links close friendships with better wellbeing and health, and studies suggest friendships deepen with time spent together. Most of this research is observational and varies across cultures.

Where this comes from: Social connection and health research.

Fields that study this: Sociology, Clinical psychology.

Try it now: Keep one friendship warm

1. Choose one friend you’ve drifted from.
2. Send a short message today — a memory, a question, a photo.
3. Suggest a simple plan to see or call them.

Practise with a guided technique

• Reach out to one person — (5 min · Moderate evidence)
• Listen fully — (10 min · Practical evidence)

Questions to think about

• Which friendships matter most to you, and when did you last invest in them?
• What standing plan could keep a friendship alive?

Try this today

Message one friend you’ve drifted from.

Afterwards, ask yourself

How did reconnecting feel, for you and for them?

Words in this lesson

• Social support — Help and care from other people — listening, practical help, advice or company.