Thinking books · Conflict & negotiation · William Ury, 1991
Getting Past No — the big ideas
The follow-up to Getting to Yes, for when the other side will not cooperate.
Free — no account needed to read
The big ideas
Go to the balcony: step back mentally before reacting, because the instinctive response is almost always the one they are counting on.
Step to their side before disagreeing — acknowledge and listen first, which removes the resistance your argument would otherwise have to overcome.
Reframe an attack as an attempt to solve the problem, and answer that instead. This works surprisingly often on positional opponents.
Build them a golden bridge: make saying yes easy and face-saving, rather than making it a defeat.
Practise it — no need to have read it
Take someone who has refused. Write what saying yes would cost them — in face, in effort, in what they have already said publicly.
A hint: Then design a version where agreeing does not require them to be wrong.
Where it shows up in real life
- A stuck negotiation
- Someone who will not engage
- Winning a hostile room
Described in our own words with the source named — never quoted, and not a substitute for reading the book.
Thinking methods from this book
- Know your walk-away — Deciding what you will do if there is no agreement, before you negotiate.
- Positions and interests — Getting underneath what each side is demanding to what each side needs.
The thinking it builds
- Argumentation — Build and evaluate arguments
- Strategic Thinking — Think beyond the immediate next step