Questioning · Lesson 1 of 2

Kinds of question, and what each one gets you

Ask what "working" would look like. A surprising number of disputes dissolve at that question.

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A closed question gets you a fact and ends the exchange. An open question gets you a direction and continues it. Neither is better; using the wrong one is what wastes the conversation.

Clarifying questions establish what someone actually meant — "when you say it is not working, what would working look like?" — and they resolve a large share of disagreements before any argument is needed.

Probing questions go under the answer: what makes you say that, what would have to be true, what would change your mind. These are the ones that get you something the person had not already prepared.

See it happen

Two people have been arguing for twenty minutes about whether the onboarding is "working".

The read that arrives on its own

Take a side, or split the difference and change half of it.

The same situation, with this idea

"What would we see if it were working?" One says people reach the second session. The other says they stop asking us how to log in. They were never disagreeing — they were answering different questions.

What changed

A definition question dissolved the dispute in one sentence. A surprising number of long disagreements are two people measuring different things.

The takeaway

Ask what "working" would look like. A surprising number of disputes dissolve at that question.

Easy to take the wrong way

Asking a question you already have the answer to in order to lead someone. People can tell, and the conversation becomes about the manoeuvre.

Try this

In your next disagreement, ask one clarifying question before responding at all.