Module 8 · Influence & persuasion · Lesson 5 of 11

Reciprocity and commitment

We return favours and stay consistent with what we said — useful, and easy to exploit.

7 min read · Level: Practising · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

Reciprocity: when someone gives us something, we feel an urge to give back. It keeps relationships fair — and it can be exploited with “free” gifts that create obligation.

Commitment and consistency: once we say or do something, we tend to stay consistent with it. Small commitments can grow into big ones. That helps you keep promises you believe in — and it is why a small “yes” is sometimes asked for first, to make a bigger one easier.

Why it matters

Both principles are powerful in relationships and negotiations. Using them honestly builds trust; noticing them protects your choices.

See it happen

A salesperson asks Hasib to “just try” a free month of a service, then later to agree to a year.

The first reaction

Having used it for a month, he feels committed and signs up without thinking.

With the idea

He asks himself whether he would choose the yearly plan if he were deciding fresh today. He picks monthly instead.

What changed

Checking whether he was acting from consistency or real choice changed his decision.

Easy to get wrong

• Giving gifts or favours in order to create obligation.
• Staying committed to a decision only because you already said yes.

Different perspectives

Reasonable people disagree here. None of these is presented as the answer.

Healthy glue

Returning favours and keeping commitments are what make cooperation and friendship possible.

Easy to exploit

Both tendencies are used in pressure selling and manipulation. The honest version gives freely and lets people change their mind.

Where this comes from: Robert Cialdini — Influence (1984, expanded 2021).

Try it now: Fresh decision

1. Think of something you keep doing because you once agreed to it.
2. Ask: would I choose this if I were deciding fresh today?
3. Write what, if anything, you want to change.

Questions to think about

• When have you felt obliged by a favour you didn’t ask for?
• Which of your commitments do you keep only out of consistency?

Your challenge this week

Give one favour this week that truly has nothing attached.