Module 11 · Friendship & community · Lesson 1 of 9

Making friends as an adult

Friendship needs time, repetition and a little risk — and it is harder than it used to be for most people.

7 min read · Level: Beginner · Free — no account needed to read

The idea

As adults, many people find making friends harder than it was at school. School provided what friendship needs almost automatically: repeated contact, unplanned time together, and a setting where people are open to new friends. As adults, we have to create those conditions on purpose.

Research on friendship suggests it takes a lot of shared time for an acquaintance to become a close friend. So: see the same people regularly, suggest doing something together, and be the one who invites. Most people are waiting to be asked.

Why it matters

Friendship is one of the strongest supports for wellbeing, and it rarely happens by accident in adult life.

See it happen

After graduating and moving for work, Farhana realises she has no friends in her new city.

The first reaction

She hopes she will naturally meet people at work.

With the idea

She joins a weekly running group and, after a few weeks, invites two people for breakfast after a run. One becomes a close friend.

What changed

Repeated contact plus an invitation created the conditions friendship needs.

Easy to get wrong

• Waiting for others to invite you.
• Giving up after one or two meetings that didn’t click.

Where this comes from: Robin Dunbar — research on friendship and social networks.

Try it now: Friendship conditions

1. List places where you see the same people regularly.
2. Name one person there you would like to know better.
3. Write one small invitation you could make.

Questions to think about

• What made friendships easier for you in the past?
• What stops you from inviting people now?

Your challenge this week

Make one invitation this week — coffee, a walk, a call.