Module 6 · Environment & context · Research-supported
The people around you
We drift toward the habits of the people we spend time with.
6 min read · Level: Intermediate · Free — no account needed to read
The problem it solves
How much do the people around you shape your habits?
The concept
We tend to drift toward the habits of people we spend time with: when they eat, whether they exercise, how they use their phones. This peer influence works quietly, through example, invitations and what feels normal.
You can use it. Spend time in places where the habit you want is normal — a running club, a study group, a reading circle. Find one person to do the habit with. Watching someone do something well also teaches you how.
This isn’t about cutting people off. It’s about adding company that makes the habit feel normal and easier.
Why it matters
Social norms and social support are recognised influences on behaviour, and doing something alongside others can strengthen the relatedness that sustains motivation.
Research-supported: Good studies support it, but there are fewer of them, the effects are modest, or they come from a narrow set of situations.
See it happen
Hamza wants to study more, but his friends spend every evening gaming together and invite him along.
- The ordinary first approach
- He needs to say no to his friends more often.
- With the idea
- He joins a library study group two evenings a week and games with friends on the others.
- What changed
- He added company where studying is normal, without losing his friends.
Easy to get wrong
- Trying to build a habit that everyone around you works against, alone.
- Assuming the only answer is dropping people.
- Comparing yourself with people far ahead, which can discourage instead of inspire.
Try it now: Find one habit ally
- Pick one habit you are working on.
- Think of one person or group for whom it’s already normal.
- Take one step to spend time with them around the habit.
Apply it to one of your habits
For one of your habits, who could you do it with, or learn it from?
Reflect
- Whose habits have rubbed off on you, for better or worse?
Go deeper — evidence & sources
- Dolan, Hallsworth, Halpern, King, Metcalfe & Vlaev (2012). Influencing behaviour: The mindspace way. Journal of Economic Psychology. doi:10.1016/j.joep.2011.10.009
- Ryan & Deci (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68
Techniques that use this idea
- Watch someone do it — See how someone else actually does the habit, then borrow what fits. (Research-supported)
- Ask for practical support — Ask one person for one specific kind of help. (Research-supported)
- Do it together — Share the habit with someone — the same time, the same place, or a check-in. (Emerging)
Problems this helps with
- “Other people or my surroundings get in the way.” — The plan works until someone else’s needs, habits or space collide with it.
Related lessons
- Accountability that helps — Sharing a plan with someone — and how to keep it supportive, not shaming. (6 min · Beginner)
- Autonomy, competence and relatedness — Self-Determination Theory: the three needs that keep motivation alive. (7 min · Intermediate)
- Home and family — Habits in shared spaces, and agreeing changes with the people you live with. (6 min · Intermediate)